A never before seen picture of the Money Hungry Congressman’s lair. A moment of silence please for the two photographers that have lost their lives taking this photo.

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“Aah, Budapest!”

~ Oscar Wilde

“Bucharest will be a small Hungarian town in the future!”

~ Marko Bela after Hungary 0-2 Romania before Euro 2004

Brief Introduction

Bucharest (in Klingon known as DaH Movaq, i.e. „that is a really bad-ass city. We warn you not to go there. We won’t, and we’re Klingons”) It’s a city located in the sock of an old man in Romania, famous for being the only city in the world in which the pot-hole area in the roads is actually larger than the total area of all the roads. If you really have to go there, try the blue-badger sandwiches, the possum pie, as well as the world-famous Penis mutilation saloons near the vaginal infection bureau. The Japanese treated with the most respect in Bucharest, after the local gypsies in their 1 hp Logans. The Japanese are so respected that the city hall created an act which states that each Japanese must be escorted by a pack of trained dogs that must contain minimum 10 dogs and maximum 50. This was made in order to protect the Japanese from the ruthless gypsies and to stop a possible gang war between them. Sometimes the dogs themselves respect their fellow masters so much, that they confuse them with 50 kg bags of Pedigree dog chow.

Likely Dangers One Might Encounter

One of the most fearsome creatures that inhabit Bucharest, besides the treacherous “Money Hungry Congressman”, is the all known, carnivorous, “Cabdriverus Extremus”. It is known to lurk in moistly and dark alleys, feeding on the unsuspecting and gullible tourist by draining all life from their wallets with their so-called “Money Sucking Glands”. The only way to avoid this creature is to stay into the light or, simply, go by foot and get some exercise, you lazy-ass. One more thing you would want to avoid, when in Bucharest jungle, is large booby trap like holes in the streets set by the famous, head-hunter and poacher, Adriean Videanu and his Iron Fist of Furry.

Driving in Bucharest

It’s well known the impressive skills the Bucharest drivers are proving when driving around the city. The definition of nanosecond has taken a whole new dimension in the perfect order of the rush hour traffic, as being the time elapsed from the appearance of the green light and the first horn sound heard. These sounds are usually accompanied by sending the best regards to the all the traffic participants mothers and dads. It’s quite a friendly atmosphere!!!

Tryng to give someone priority in traffic it’s an ABSOLUTE NO and it’s punished under the letter of the most severe laws. So don’t do it!!! Still, there are a few types of priority that must be obeyed, such as „prioritatea de Mertzan”, „prioritatea de shmecher”, „prioritatea de jipan” and finaly but not the least, „prioritatea de manele gajaite”. Following these simple few rules gives the guarantee of a smooth, pleasant and efficient drive thru the city at any given hour, day or night, good weather or under heavy snow falls.

You can also drive on the tramway tracks, on the wrong way or even on the dedicated bus lane to make enough room for all the people on the 6-lane wide, two-way boulevards of Bucharest.

I would like to, sincerely, thank all of you who contributed to writing this article. This is just how Bucharest is and you can’t do nothing about it

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